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Aloneness

My aloneness is very palpable once again. I lose myself in it. Then I stumble out of it blarey-eyed. It scares me. It excites me. Makes me access the rawness of Me. Such a vulnerable place. Most of the time it feels I cannot cope (anymore) ...

I am not sure if it is possible to cope. Just time. Passing by. Slowly. Spherically and through all of me and all outside me. The pixelated perception of pain. Feels kinda close to en-lighten-ment. With all this great sympathy and care for everything.

Life slowly trickling away somewhere outside while the inside is frozen in non-breathing, afraid to exhale, afraid to inhale.

Craving human touch, craving human company. Yet, feeling even more alone, whether on contact or shortly after.

So raw, so real, so afraid to exhale, so full of love, to give, to receive, so afraid, so open, so alone.

Nothing but rawness fills the dimension that used to be me ... with two very afraid yet aware and clear eyes looking out.

Please do not hurt me. No more. Not any more. I can't take more of this ... Please do not hurt me any more, Life/Universe/whoever may be listening.

No more ... no more ... no more

Deep within somewhere a very distant very faint lullaby-like murmur brings in a glimmer of comfort.

15/09/2012

     
 
     
 
     

 

 

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